I'm VERY thankful. I got several teaching books I wanted for Christmas. I also got to pick out a cross necklace, which I also really wanted. My old one wore out and just got old.

Josh and I got a Home Depot gift card from his dad. We got some decorative wall shelves for our bedroom. Just now we tried to put them up and we got the long one up, but when we tried to put up the short ones, Josh noticed that one of the pieces we need is messed up. Got to go back to exchange it. :( Gotta wait longer for the wall to look pretty :(.

Also, I finally had an epiphany of what my big lesson that I want my students to leave each year learning is. I made signs that I'll put up that say, "GO BIG or GO HOME!" I really think kids now a-days need to learn how to give 100% in everything they do. I've noticed they really don't like to work. I hope I can inspire them some how. They may not leave my class with a love for reading and writing, but they should leave with a better understanding of it and a desire to give their all... in everything.

Warning: It's a long one. But, hey, I'm done with my internship!

Finally, a new post.
I have been the BIGGEST procrastinator with writing this post and now I really have absolutely nothing to do so I figured, here I go, I better update my blog.

And, my goodness, I have so much to reflect on. I could start with student teaching:

Bottom line is I've learned a lot and grown a lot. I'm not the same teacher as when I started in August. I think the biggest thing I've gained is confidence, which is really what I really needed.
Back two months ago I was really doubting myself... mainly doubting my expertise in English. Part of it had to do with my amazing mentor teacher watching my every move and critiquing my techniques. The thing is, that was good, I needed it, but it was... nerve wracking and embarrassing sometimes.
Because of my student teaching experience, now I feel equipped with some great tools for how to best teach my students reading and writing.
And I have a job for January and I've already jumped in teaching the class a little bit. Now that I'm really the only English major in the classroom, I feel more confident. I'm more firm with my classroom management, but trying to be fair at the same time. The kids are ready for me to teach them... they say the sub is nice, but they don't like how she teaches, and she's really not an English teacher, she's a retired Science teacher.
But, anyway, I am SOOOOO excited! I have so many ideas flowing through my head that I think about my new class and classroom ALL THE TIME. I go to bed thinking about how to set up my classroom; I wake up thinking about ideas for how to teach spelling. I'm often scrambling for a pen and paper to write down the ideas I'm getting. And the cool thing is, they all have a purpose. I'm doing these things for my kids. So they can learn, so they can learn in a way that makes sense to them.
I found out I have a student who's homeless... I have a student who just recently got out of jail. I have students who love to read and write and who'll do anything for their teacher and others who hate it and would rather have their eyes gouged out with a spoon than be in literacy class.
I know I may not "fix" every kid... but I know something: I can't teach to the test. I've got to teach the kid. I've got to teach in a way that motivates them and gets them interested. I've got to show them WHY we read literature and WHY we can write poetry... and the best way to do that is share my passion for it. The hard part is going to be editing out that I read and write mostly because I love Jesus... but I will definitely try to sneak that in as often as I can. (Silly separation of church and state c--p).

On another note, I've been REALLY tired lately. I get up at six, go to school, and then come home at four in the afternoon and just want to go to bed. The new students take a lot of energy to manage. I love it and for the most part I'm energized when I'm in the middle of it, but when I stop at the end of the day and actually sit down, I'm pooped.
A thought I realized the other day... I miss my friends. My girlfriends. I haven't really spent time with them or called them in a while... and I feel bad, but I'm just so tired at the end of the day that I just want to sit and veg and relax with Josh and not talk to anyone else. And often I feel like I don't get too much alone time with Josh, so by the time the weekend comes around, I want to be around him the whole time.
But I miss my deep friendships. Is part of it because I'm an adult now and working and married and have to cut back on friendships? I don't know. But I think about my girlfriends all the time and they all hold a special place in my heart still... but I feel like my friendships aren't as deep at they once were...
Am I just too lazy to call? Maybe.
My mentor teacher said to me that at the end of the summer she says to her non-teacher friends, "See you next May." Is that how it is as a teacher? Maybe I just need to get over how tired I am and make that phone call, or set a date to meet up for coffee/tea.
Thankfully I was reminded that the Lord is in control no matter what. He reminded me that even though I haven't been in contact with some of my close friends lately, the Lord is watching over them and taking care of them still (cause I worry about you guys!). Part of me worries, "Oh no! They're probably mad at me and don't think I'm a good friend!" Again, that's not for me to worry about...
So, that's it.
I pray for you guys and think about you and miss you.
I have one week til Christmas break, praise Jesus.
I love you all and wish you a Merry Christmas!!

"Let me do it!"-- No, no, help me, please!

Oh, humbling, humbling, humbling.
Don't you love it?

It was one of those things I knew was going to happen, but I ignored it and pretended it wasn't going to.

I started my student teaching off with the idea, "Let me do it! I want to jump right in, full tilt." In my head, I wanted an experience as close to 'real' teaching as possible. With as little help from my mentor as possible. The classroom is mine. I do the planning. I do the lessons. These are MY students.

And, oh, boy. I'm realizing I need more help than I thought! Not that I'm a terrible teacher, I'm just seriously a novice. I need training wheels.

I was thinking I would be 'cheating' to have my mentor teacher help me so much. But I've realized that it's okay! That's what she's there for, duh! She really wants to start doing more planning together and to see my lessons ahead of time.

I'm definitely humbled. I just honestly thought I could do it. Or, well, I wanted to try. I was always one of those kids that was like, "No, Mommy! Let me do it!" and pushed her away as she tried to help me, show me the best way.

I like learning things on my own and figuring it out. But I need a mentor. I need someone to tell me what could work and what won't. And there is nothing wrong with that! It doesn't make me incompetent or a bad teacher. (Which are my biggest fears).

And my mentor is definitely the BEST! I'd be silly, and stupid, not to glean all the wisdom I could from her. She's been there and done that and knows what she's doing.

So, here we go! Eight more weeks. Eight more weeks. It'll be good :)

Weird.
I'm feeling so overwhelmed with stuff at school I feel like throwing up.
This never happens to me!

Training Wheels

I seem to always find myself wanting to be a step ahead of where I'm at currently.

My mentor teacher has reminded me a couple of times now in the last two weeks I'm a brand new teacher and shouldn't and won't be doing the things a veteran teacher of 25 years would be doing.

But I just want to be better! And I know I CAN be.

I'm trying really hard to live in the moment and enjoy this time of learning how to teach. I'm just looking at the end of December and can't wait to get there when college is FINALLY finished. It's SO close! I'll be a "REAL" teacher.
But for now, I've got my training wheels on. And that's okay. There is NOTHING wrong with training wheels. I'll probably tell my kids the same thing some day.

"Wherever you are, be all there." -Jim Elliot

Pinch Me Please!

So I got a text from my little sister yesterday that sent my heart pounding. Not pounding in a bad way, the kind of pounding you get when you get so excited you get butterflies in your stomach.

This was the text I've been waiting for for almost six years. I never thought my dream job would open up.

"It's true! Roberts is going to Salt Lake."

Well, my theater teacher from high school has had a rough last four years. I hear stories from my sister about him and it sounds like he's just burnt out and needs to take a break from teaching. I've been saying, "He should quit and then I'll take his job." I meant that in the nicest of ways. But... It's true. He's leaving Central High School Theater and taking a job in Utah.

Unfortunately, I don't have a certificate til after December. Unfortunately, I might not be highly qualified to teach theater since my degree is in English. But, I've been researching on the internet and perusing my transcripts the past two days to see how I can make this work. And... I think I can make this work :)

Thankfully, I know the principal. She's also already interviewed me :) Thankfully, I know the choir teacher. I'm sure he'd help me out, too.

I turned in my started application to the District office today.
Let's watch and pray and see how things pan out. (I do know if it doesn't work out in the end, I'll be okay. I can teach something and somewhere else :) )

VBS Day #2

This marks day two of VBS and also the day of the much needed nap. (I literally have just woken up and need something to do to wake me up even more before I go to work).

I'm really enjoying leading this. I've missed leading big stuff like this and am very thankful for the opportunity... since school and my new marriage have been my priority the last year.

As for the number of kids we have, here's the story:
In our church right now, in the age range for VBS of kindergarten to fifth grade, we have three kids. Three. In the past I would have been like, "Oh, no! Where are the kids going to come from? VBS is going to be boring cause it'll be so small."
But this year, I was like, "If we build it, they will come."

My prediction for our numbers: Monday 25, Tuesday 30ish, and then 50 by Monday.
Our actual count as of yesterday: 61
Today: 71

Amazing, huh?!

So, I know it's not all about the numbers, but we are really having a lot of fun! And the more kids we have, the more kids we get to share Jesus with.
SonWorld Adventure Park is our theme. We get to pretend we're at an amusement park every day.

My volunteers are amazing and EVERYONE is really where they need to be. It's fun to walk around to each station and see them all at work. They really bless me.

There was a few bumps yesterday... a few things I could have planned for but failed to think about. But everyone has been gracious with me and have given me suggestions on how to make it better.

So, on to Day 3!

2 Write 2 Teens

I've been thinking about something again... It's an idea that pops into my head every once in a while.

I'm thinking about writing a devotional book for teens. Or like, "The survival guide to being a teenager" with little anecdotes from my adventures in my teenage years with lessons I learned about the Lord. But then I thought that not many teens like to read, well, they surf the net probably more than read books.

So, I might also like to write online for teens. My first thought was to create my own website. But then I thought that might be to difficult to market, so why not write articles for an existing website/organization? So tonight I've been looking at what's out there.

I probably would have trouble getting kids to read my own website. I barley can get people to read my blog!

I just miss writing and would really like to use my talent to minister to teenagers.

I do know I want to write a children's book. It's about a Princess. Josh will do the illustrations :).

I feel accomplished today.

Josh and I did some work around the house. He got the swamp cooler ready and patched some things on the roof and in the bathroom and we both put a few flowers with some nice mulch and a little wooden fence around the front of the house. It looks MUCH better! Wish I would have done it weeks ago...
But, we're getting the house ready for the people to move in. We signed a contract last Wednesday and should be closing in two-three weeks! We're so excited!!!

Last night we went on a double date with some new/old friends. (My old friend from high school and her husband that Josh and I just started hanging out with within the last few months.) We had a nice dinner at a Mexican restaurante and then saw the new Indiana Jones movie at the theater. Woo-hoo! Even though it was well done, unfortunately the movie didn't have the Christian undertones like the previous movies. They always have a supernatural part to it, but instead of being something like the Ark of the Covenant it was about Aliens...

Well, I'm already packing. Just need more boxes. This summer is gonna go by fast! June will be moving month and July will be get-ready-for-student-teaching-month, and then August, well, after a first Anniversary and my birthday, school will start! So it's more like two-two and a half months off instead of three...

And I love Josh very much and am very blessed to be with him. We have so much fun together! And I like making big decisions together. It makes me feel like we are unified and doing the "becoming one" part of marriage.

Love you all! Take care!

And for pictures of the new house, check out Josh's blog: whenistepback

Graduation...

is tomorrow.

I'm tired. But ready. It's gonna be hot, sweaty, long, but it's my graduation day! I've already got some financial gifts :) I bought a new cell phone with some, bought a graduation dress and shoes with some more, and will take my husband on a date with the rest :)

Well, sweet dreams and I will be busy tomorrow!

Food, Glorious Food!

I need to eat less. Well, I at least really need to watch what I eat. I'm realizing I probably consume more calories than I really need. Like, a couple days ago, I decided not to eat lunch because I wasn't hungry. Usually I'll eat lunch anyway cause I think I'll be hungry later. I ended up being just fine!

And today, since I ate so much yesterday, I decided to skip breakfast. I made it to twelve without feeling hunger pains.

So, there you have it. I need to quit putting so much weight on food. (no pun intended.) I mean, I love food. I love cooking and baking and eating. Especially sweets. And I allow myself to eat whatever I want. I used to be pretty self-controlled. I used to never eat pizza, hamburgers, or drink pop. Now... I eat/drink all three of those. It's not like I eat all three of those every day! I just think they are things to stray away from and there are fruits and veggies that would be a much healthier option.

I even look at photos of myself and think, well, I'm not fat, but I have extra "stuff" that doesn't have to be there. And I'm a short, small gal and don't have many places to hide extra stuff.

I envy people who can stop when they are full... or who can say no to a brownie if they're really not feeling like it. I would like to be that person. Today I'm really gonna step forward to healthier eating and less caloric intake. I can do it. I don't need everything I put in my body. My body is God's temple and needs to be taken care of. And someday I really won't be able to eat whatever I want. I better start a healthy lifestyle now before it's too late.

Countdown: One week of class. Two weeks til graduation

Church was pretty good today. I mean, all of us in leadership, like on the worship team and youth group etc..., really think the Lord is trying to do something. All of us think that something is happening, but we don't know what it is... I guess that's how it is with the Lord... he doesn't always tell his secrets until it's the best time, you know?

The worship team is steadily moving into a creative unit...since Josh and I haven't been on it officially for long. We've been working on new songs and sounds and the theme really is us trying to worship the Lord in spirit and truth ourselves first so that the congregation will follow. We do want to sound good and pleasing to the ear, but we want to be so much more than that.

Today's theme and sermon was "Give us clean hands." Repentance and righting relationships.

On another note, I can tell it's the end of the semester. My brain has officially reached it's knowledge capacity and I am ready to relax and...basically read the material I want to and not have homework.

I just have a few projects left, including teaching a lesson tomorrow for the 8th graders. We've been studying the Holocaust and I wanted to think of a way to make it more relevant for them today.

I'm showing parts of the movie Mean Girls with Lindsay Lohan. I'm skipping over the inappropriate parts and showing them what discrimination and prejudice looks like in high school in 2008. My last lesson this semester. I'm gonna miss those kids. :( I went hiking with them all on friday...it was fun! Nice day. A bit windy, but nice.

I'm so ready for my own classroom, though. Well... I know I'm not perfect as a teacher being a rookie, but I'm ready to at least try. There's a dilemma in the works with WHO I'll be student teaching with next semester, which will be my mentor teacher, so please pray for that.

And another note, on Thursday I took Chris out of the classroom. The teacher really didn't want to deal with him and was like, "Ashley, take him out in the hall and have him read the assignment silently." Oh, boy, it was so great! Chris is a low-level reader and I was able to coach him and help him figure out the meaning of words and connect parts of the reading to itself and to him... and he got it! He even did the writing assignment on his own... I gave him the assignment sheet and said, "Be right back." And when I came back, he was nearly finished. I think this kid has been one of the hardest yet most rewarding student I worked with this year semester.

"And the winner is..." by Melissa Taylor

I think I could have written this article. (Given I don't have kids yet, the same general idea applies).

http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/search/label/Balance

I Like Teams

I just looked at my to-do list, one of my mac widgets here, and it's all crossed off :) That's a very nice feeling for me. I like to feel accomplished, and when I can see that things are getting done (and I have less on my list to do), I feel accomplished.

Right now I'm just focusing on finishing this semester...two weeks, guys. Well, two weeks and finals week. OR I can look at it as 4 and a half projects/assignments. Cause it's really not the time that matters to me, but the amount of work...ya know? 'Cause once these assignments are done, I'm finished! Then graduation day, May 17.

I also feel a little bit torn when lots of my energy is spent on school and my husband needs me "there." That's the other thing I'm focusing on... my dear husband who needs me/my help...hence the biblical mandate of wife: helpmeet/helper/helpmate. It's really a privilege to have that position. It's not just about me...but about "us." We're a team. I like teams :) That's why I played soccer for so many years and... (I could go off with lots of analogies and metaphors for this one, but I won't).

P.S. My little calves are killing me! I did a steps aerobics class that my sister taught yesterday...and my calves are the only thing that hurt. But they hurt enough to be extremely uncomfortable!

A Humbling Day

I'm a little emotionally drained. I think I handled today pretty well, though. I understand I'm not perfect. Still, I couldn't help crying when my manager had a talk with me.

So...if you didn't know, I made a huge boo-boo LAST Friday at work. I went in Monday, hoping to do better, and it went smoothly.

But today, I went in with the same determined attitude. I had the same section from last week...five tables...usually not too rough for me. Halfway through the shift I forget to ring in a table's order. I talked to the table; they didn't seem to notice and didn't mind waiting. They were, thankfully, nice about it.

My managers on the other hand were...disappointed that I would make a silly, yet crucial, mistake that someone who's worked there as long as I have shouldn't be making.

I was beginning to think they were going to fire me.

I was close.

After my shift, one of my managers basically explained to me they want me to move to hosting, or find another job... This stinks because I thought someone like me should be able to handle this. She said serving isn't for everybody and they are not saying I'm not a smart person... she says I am smart. With this job, I just lose it at certain parts of the busy shift.

Anyway, we've made a compromise and I'm going to serve on Mondays and host on Fridays.

I cried... I'm just bummed that I work so hard and get "demoted." Again, I know it's not the end of the world, and this really is temporary til I can teach full time... It's just hard when someone says you can't handle it and you want to show them you can, but feel like maybe you should admit you can't...And when your little sister is amazing at it and is loved by everyone at work.

I do agree with my manager. I think what she told me is right. They're going to let me have smaller sections. (I seem to do fine with 3-4 tables). And I'm reminded I can't do everything. I'm not Super Ashley, and I wish I was.

It's not really a matter of being perfect...cause I know I'm not, I just take pride in being a quick learner and wish I was good (or at least decent) at everything I do.

The Lord is really teaching me a lot through this. I'm thankful He still loves me deeply no matter my performance.

My worth is not found in my ability to wait tables.

In times like these

I just found out that one of my former roommate's dad has died. It was totally unexpected. He was completely healthy, but had a sudden heart attack.

I had to re-read the email several times to make sure that's what I saw and that it wasn't some joke. What's sad is my friend has been a missionary in northern Iraq and wasn't supposed to return until June...but I guess the Lord has other plans...or something...

I was speechless as I stared at the computer screen. I was thinking, "This isn't fair, Lord! She is such a great girl and she's been working so hard in Iraq and reaching people..." Her parents were opposed to her going... was it fear or distress over his daughter that hurt him??

Anyway. After my initial shock, my thoughts immediately turned to scripture: "our times are in Your hands." And "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away..." (From the song "Blessed be Your Name" and the Job story).

We truly don't know when our time is up...or when our family's time is up... we don't know when sorrow or pain is going to hit... we don't know why bad things to happen to good people...

I guess the joy in this is He is with the Lord...but so soon! He still has a 14 year old at home...

But...you know, the Lord REALLY is in control. It's times like these you throw up your hands and say, "Ok, God. I don't get it. But I'm gonna keep going. I'm gonna trust you know what you're doing..." (And He does.)

I think it's also times like these that the Lord takes a moment to wake us up... to remind us THIS IS NOT OUR HOME! I thought about Steven Curtis Chapman's old song, "We are not home yet." This is so true! This earth may have been created for man originally, but our purpose is to dwell with the Lord...and we really aren't TRULEY, COMPLETELY in His presence until we go home! We must leave this planet, leave our temporary bodies and be with Jesus.



That's the bottom line in times like these.

A relaxing Friday evening

The Kushnericks are on their way over. Yay! I think we're gonna play Rock Band. They're only bringing Chloe cause it's past Kylee's bed time and she's with the Aunt T.

I think I'm getting sick again...the familiar headache, body aches, mild sore throat and the beginnings of a stuffy nose. It's rather frustrating and I'm not sure what my body's doing...

We played volleyball tonight at the church. It was super fun! Josh is hilarious and hits the ball with his head when he gets frustrated...or just wants to try something new.

I keep using (...). I just taught a lesson at the middle school yesterday on the correct way to use them and I'm not using them correctly... Oh, well! I'm an English teacher, but not always the smartest. :)

That's all..., I'm gonna go find Josh. He left the office and I'm not sure what he's doing.

Every Season's Change

I always thought I was one of those people who like variety. You know, chocolate one day, vanilla the next; let's rearrange the living room. Nothing should be the same everyday...

But, as I life goes on and I meet new people and have different experiences, I get really shaken up when things change and aren't the way they always have been.

I guess mainly when it comes to the people I know and the people I hold close. I expect all my "friends and family" to stay the same...always be around. Always be close.

For an immediate example, there's been a couple families that have left the church pretty recently and my heart is broken over it. I look at old pictures, or I drive by where they live, or holidays pass that we usually spent with them...
I miss them. Some are moving, others just had to move on, but they aren't around like they used to be. It's not the same.

It's hard when you get close to someone and then they leave. It almost makes you want to not get close to someone again if they are just gonna leave.

Life is loss. Life is pain. There's many times I forget that. I try so hard to keep things happy and beautiful and it's extremely uncomfortable when relationships change.

I can also start thinking about all the wonderful people I have known and no longer keep in contact and i could get really depressed.

But then I think about heaven. Most of the people I have known and loved will all be in heaven with me someday. That's gonna be a great day. When we can all be together as brothers and sisters, worshiping and celebrating with our Savior.

Anyway, I'm kind of melancholy today. Not sure why. It's just one of those days.

If you feel the Lord lay these families on your heart, please say a quick prayer for them. They are all going through a difficult time/transition. Thanks.

The First

I really like the format of this blog. It's simple and it's purpose is for people to read what's going on in my life...not social networking. (I know enough people).

Let's see how this works...